So, you're getting "old"...

You wake up in the morning, stretch and get up. You go to wash your face as per usual. That’s when it hits you: you have a wrinkle. You’re starting to age. It dawns on you that you’re doomed to become a crumbling, decrepit, old, balding hag! Soon you'll have to stop wearing lolita, put on your grownup suit, and only enjoy drinking wine and picking out minimalist decor in muted colors. Gasp, the horror!

Victorian Maiden's casket design featured in Kera 14, November 1999

No, you’re not "too old for it”.

This might seem crazy to you, but one is never too old for something that makes them happy. Ageing and the things that come with it are an unavoidable part of life (....unless you’re some sort of cryptid I suppose? Can they and would they wear lolita? I might write an article on that). Much like aesthetic changes, the things that you love now you might not love in a couple years.

Point is:

Misako Aoki, late 30s

There is no need to abandon what you presently love.

I can hear you tell me, “But Biscuit, what if I wear super sweet lolita? Surely, that won’t look good on someone older.”

That’s where you’re wrong kiddo. See, as long as you like what you wear and feel confident in it, there's no reason to change. If there is no problem, then it cannot be solved, right? If you start feeling uncomfortable in your current style though, it might be time for a change.

I once was a big OTT sweet fan, but as I aged I realized I didn't quite feel the same about it as I once did. Eventually came to the realization that I still liked sweet lolita, but felt more comfortable having some sort of “edge” to it. Hence why I fell into old school which made me feel comfortable all over again without having to leave sweet! Besides, it’s not like you have to stick to only one style. Don’t be afraid to experiment!

Besides:

Mana-sama, early 50s

There are many lolitas (including sweet ones) that are getting older, aren’t there?

Our ambassador Misako is soon to be 40, Supreme Overlord Mana is now in his 50s, and the lovely Kato san is around the same age.

And it’s not just the big names, there are so many older lolitas in the community. Many of which look beautiful and aren’t letting a number and a couple wrinkles stop them from enjoying the clothes they love. As you age, you can also often afford far more than you could as a teenager, or a freshly turned 18 year old! You have more opportunities to do things you couldn’t under parental supervision such as travelling, or even buying things without needing your parents to approve of it (and convincing them that, no, this is not a scam website that’ll steal your credit card info, mom).

I remember back in the Livejournal days there was a common misconception amongst youngsters (which I had as well), that you should stop wearing lolita at around 25. Like some sort of lolita police was going to come over on your 25th birthday and revoke your lolita card, confiscate all your frills and throw a pair of walkers at you before vanishing out of the door. As if the second you are over 25 you turn into a decrepit hag, wrinkly as a shar-pei, complaining about your back every minute (ok, that part might be true though).

This doesn't seem like such a bad fate!

While it is funny said like that, it is a harmful myth. Not only is it untrue and stemming from misogynistic sources, but you do not owe anyone youth. You are not required to be pretty and young to be able to enjoy things that are out of the norm. Ageing is a normal process that all creatures on earth go through. It isn’t shameful to age.

There are many ways to age gracefully like starting to take good care of your skin and yourself in general (sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen and water).You won’t become a hag all at once. Ageing takes time. It’ll happen slowly. You don't have to be in no rush to change yourself or your style if you don't want to. You can wear it until you die if you please. That’s your choice and yours alone.

And you can look pretty damn good doing it, look at ol’ Momoko

Kamikaze Girls, the 2004 film adaptation

To end this article, I selected a some answers to a few questions I asked lolitas from different age groups that I thought would be interesting to read:

Did you ever consider the age you are now as old at some point? Does this affect your self esteem?

• Yes. When I was younger, I thought 20+ was much older/more mature than I realized.
• Yes, probably when I was in my 20s I considered 30s old. But honestly, I feel like thinking whatever is older than you is normal. TBH I feel great at my age
• I personally don't think that I'm old. I joke about it sometimes, but I truly don't think that I am. My self esteem has gotten better the older I've gotten. In my experience, the older you get, the less you care what others think about you.
• I'm turning 40 this year, and I definitely used to consider 40 old. Not anymore though haha - I think the next "old" milestone might be 80 now?
• Yes. I'm 25 and I like to joke that I'm currently going through my mid-midlife crisis. I have a lot of friends who are 2-4 years younger than me so when they say they feel old, it makes me feel even older.

Are you struggling with self esteem issues regarding your age now?

• Somewhat. I'm entering my mid 20's. I admit I have a fear of aging, or losing my youthful face. I also have insecurities that I'll no longer be seen as "young" after leaving my 20s.
• Sometimes I feel like I haven't achieved as much as I would have liked to, or as much as others might have expected of me, but these feelings are not a regular occurrence and generally unrelated to lolita.
• Somewhat. I get a little self-conscious about wrinkles when I smile. In many ways I still think of myself as being very young, so it's a shock when I see a photograph that makes me look closer to my age.
• Meh it comes in waves. I felt worse at 26 than I do at 27
• No, I feel better and more confident about myself the older I get.

Kuniko Kato, late 40s

How do you feel about lolitas leaving the fashion because they feel too old

• Its societal pressure
• Priorities and interests change with time, whether directly related to age or indirectly as the result of a changing career or growing family. I can understand people leaving as a result of these feelings, but sometimes miss the friends who have done so.
• It makes me SO sad! I want to just shake them and ask why they would abandon something they love just because someone told them it was for "maidens."
• I think it's unfortunate that society pressures people to leave hobbies that they enjoy because of age. Women in particular are expected to dress in an "age-appropriate" way and told they won't be taken seriously otherwise.
• It is what it is because I feel that fashion shouldn’t be restricted to age just as we don’t restrict men from wearing feminine clothes and vice versa. But at the end of the day if they don’t feel comfortable wearing the fashion anymore then its time to start a new chapter of their lives for self love. Because clothes need to make you feel confident and if you don’t feel that anymore from lolita then it's okay to move on.

Do you think you’ll leave someday? Because of your age?

• Maybe. I think if I leave it'll be more because it doesn't bring joy anymore, not because I think I'm too old.
• I will never leave lolita because of my age! In 20 years' time I want to be retiring with a whole room full of brand and making the new lolitas jealous of all my ancient dresses! Lolita makes me feel beautiful and I can't see ever wanting to give that up.
• I hope not. I really hope I never get to a point where I feel too old or where I look in the mirror and feel like lolita wont suit me anymore. Its been something that has made me my most happiest since I was only 13 and I've never had any intention of quitting. So far I'm still going strong.
• hmm that's a hard maybe, most likely not but maybe when im 80 and I just want to sleep all day
• Probably not. But I can imagine my style shifting to more high end alternative fashion like Westwood, Issey Miyake, and the nicer Anna Sui stuff in addition to/alongside Lolita brands.
• I hope not. I don't like the idea of girls having to 'tone down' their style into classic or gothic just because they're a bit wrinkly. Spoiler, we look mental no matter what substyle we wear. I find it strange when lolitas are like "aww she looks so good for her age, frilly grandma!!!" like can't you compliment her for how she looks regardless?

  

  Yumi Fujiwara, late 40s

What are some misconceptions about ageing in lolita you found out were false once you grew up?

• That older lolitas all wear classic.
• Back in 2005-2010, when I found out about the fashion, I thought lolita was only for teens! I got started in 2020 and I'm super happy I did.
• I assumed most lolitas were teenagers who would eventually grow out of the hobby. I was surprised to meet so many people who had worn it for years and years and had no plans on quitting.
• Not really something I found out once I grew up, but something I found out when I started joining online comms. I didn't think I would ever see older lolitas, but I see plenty of them on Closet of Frills, and it's very neat that they don't let their age stop them from still wearing lolita!
• Probably that sweet lolita looks bad with age, so you should adapt to classic and gothic. Or that being 30 means being old. Misako and Yumi Fujiwara are much older than I am and they rock the hell out of lolita.

What's a positive aspect about being your age in lolita?

• I can actually afford it lol
• I have a much more stable amount of disposable income than when I was younger, and much much confidence facing people in public.
• I have good finances and a stable job to afford it. I can spend money in meets and dresses with a certain limit, but it's usually quite loose and it feels good, I'm not overspending. Also I feel good wearing it in the streets, I got used to i
• I can be the cute old lady down the street
• I feel like I'm old enough to approach things thoughtfully but young enough to grow in the fashion and the community.
• Accessibility to money and purchasing; not caring about popularity or having a lot of followers, no pressure to join multiple social media outlets; hanging out with other lolitas in my age range

Misako Aoki

What's a negative aspect about being your age in lolita?

• People expect me to dress a certain way, or expect me not to wear sweet based on my age alone. There's also ageism that gets passed around the community, and there's commentary about how 20+ lolitas, especially people in their 30s, get called "bitter" or "hags"
• Metabolism definitely slows with age and I can't always fit the pieces or cuts I used to. This can be a bit of a let down when comparing to past coordinates or photos.
• Sometimes it can be hard to relate to people who are still in high school or college - we're just at really different points in our lives. I wish there were more lolitas my age!
• People asking "aren't you to old to be wearing this." That happens at every age though. I also think people are more likely to associate it to a fetish the older you get too.
• Not as much free time for meets as I had when I was younger
• Not earning a lot of money myself as a university student
• I feel like all the pretty dresses will have to sit in the wardrobe gathering dust after some years. I feel like my collection is going to be at it's peak/best moment when I'll have to leave/feel bad about my body image.
• I sometimes feel juvenile. I'm used to being around people older than me in other parts of life and I feel self conscious about being too young sometimes (I'm 23). This is not to minimize the experiences people who feel old!!! They are beautiful and awesome lolitas and I am super grateful to benefit from their experiences.
• Nothing in particular rn. I'm seeing the signs of feeling more out of touch with the younger lolitas (16-20), but I guess that's normal. I'll just have to make sure I don't end up becoming too "get off my lawn-y". I work as a teacher, so that could go either way tbh lol
• As a younger and more inexperienced person exploring the style, I may be looked down on by those who are older and have years of experience. Also, some older people who are not familiar with the style might view this as a “phase” I’m going through and belittle me. Even some people who are my age can be quite rude or downright mean to me for dressing differently.
• I don't have much monies (high schooler) :(

As time goes on, we're just going to have more and more older lolitas in the fashion. Enjoy it how you want to for as long as you want to. There is no age limit!

Biscuit, now logging off-